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User blog:MissingNo./Fanfiction Critic - The Fireball Adventure
The Plot (and it's issues): The story starts off with Fireball Watterson getting the mail during breakfest. After piling through a bunch of bills, he finds that their family has one a free trip over the PAcific Ocean on the cruise liner MS Paramella. With no explanation as to how they got that free trip, they seize the opportunity to get on the trip. They arrive at the San Francisco Harbor and meet Captain Sonny Hook. He greets the family as the winners of the all-inclusive sail (as to how they won, that is still not explained). On the ship, a girl named Aguilera Garven notices Fireball and tries to speak to him, to no avail. I don't think he would've listened, the story gave us no reason to believe this Aguilera person even knew Fireball! I know he does, but imagine if you read this story out of context. You would be confused, because some random girl the story introduces you to as Aguilera is trying to speak to the main(?) character when they have no apparent relation! ...Anyways, then comes an entire part of the story where they have fun on the ship. It doesn't add to the plot, more as prolong it, but it's interesting to see what they do. After a few other scenes which I'm not going into further depth about (you can read the entire story in your free time), Fireball and Aguilera start to talk to each other in the ballroom. Thought it would never happen. Darwin, for some odd reason, is sad. I don't know why, but he throws a picture of Gumball off the ship. He's sad for Gumball? He's sad about Gumball's affection for Penny (who, by the way, somehow got on the ship as well)? I don't know. Sadly, the sad moment gets worse as a giant wave is headed towards the MS Paramella. Captain Hook (FINALLY) takes notice of the disaster after ignoring the reports of bad weather before. An alarm is sent over the entire ship, and it's passengers are in a state of frenzy. The entire ship capsizes after the lifeboats are set and the people are just relieved to be alive. But all is not well, as Gumball, Fireball, Anais, Penny, Aguilera, and Darwin are the only passengers to still be on the capsized ship. What are the chances? Back in the ballroom, the six kids wake up and are shocked by what just happened. Anais is hanging on the tables stuck on the floor which is now above them. I don't get that, because tables aren't usually glued to the floor. Anyways, they get Anais down and are trying to figure out how to get down. Then comes probably the funniest scene of the story. ---- Fireball: Look! *Points at Exit up in the Corner* Anais: Yeah, But how do we get up? Fireball: Hmmm We Must Use something as a Ladder. Aguilera: Where should we find a Ladder in a Ballroom? Aguilera: Ladders don't fall down from the Heaven. The Christmas tree that is Upside begins to Break and falls down and the Bottom Reaches to the Exit Everybody is staring weird at the Christmas tree Aguilera: Don't say a Word. ---- Yeah, that's kind of funny. Captain Hook calls the Elmore Sea Rescue Force to help, and they aren't supposed to come in two hours. But, for no reason, they appear two hours earlier than expected! It's a miracle! The rest is just the kids trying to escape the ship, which I won't go into more detail about because it's not that interesting. It's very rushed. Anyways, they escaped, blah blah blah, THE END. My Thoughts: Well, for one, it's filled with mistakes and plot holes. The unexplained free cruise, Aguilera's relation to Fireball, why Bobert and Penny are also on the ship, why Gumball, Darwin, Fireball, Anais, Aguilera and Darwin were the only ones who weren't on a lifeboat (some guy said there were not enough room for all passengers, but the lifeboats saved almost the entire ship), what the heck "Donut Magic" is (just read the story). That, in no way, means I hate it though. It's a nice story! The idea is amazing! Execution, however, could use some work. The cast had too many characters with too little purpose. Did Anais say that much through the story? Was Penny of any significance? Heck, the story would go unchanged if Gumball Watterson wasn't in it! That's all I have to say. Category:Blog posts Category:Fanfiction Critic